It’s been 8 years since I released music of my own. In that time we’ve moved 5 times, had 4 different jobs, and even more excuses why I wasn’t releasing any new material.

First, it was that I lost my record deal. Challenging as that may have been, my motivation for creating music was never supposed to be a contract. Then, it was because I auditioned for The Voice and didn’t make it as far as I wanted. I convinced myself that “I had my chance” and no one was interested in hearing from me anymore. I was given two golden opportunities and they both had underwhelming results. Then, it was because I hated the idea of self promotion, and talked myself out of trying yet again. Then it was the excitement of a new baby, then another move, then a new job, then a pandemic. You can see the pattern.

Ironically, the last album I released in 2012 was entitled “Nothing Left to Fear”. I toured around the country singing and talking to people about overcoming fear through the love of Jesus. While that is undeniably still a powerful truth and a great message, I have come to the pointed realization that I have been avoiding a huge part of my calling for the better part of a decade because of fear.

When I originally felt the call on my life to ministry it was simple : to serve the local church through worship leading and songwriting. For an increasingly large list of reasons (mostly ridiculous) I have been afraid of releasing new music. Afraid of failing (again), afraid of not being cool enough for the cool kids, and too artsy for mainstream, afraid that if people were to hear my heart through music and then reject it I would be right back where I started.

This has been my thought process for the better part of a decade.

Two moments however, have broken these chains for me, and they happened in wildly different circumstances.

The first of these was about 3 years ago in Portland. I was meeting with a producer there to talk about recording some music. He was interested in some songs I was working on, and wanted to talk about doing a project together. My wife Michelle and I sat in the studio with him and after I had played my second or third song he said something to me that I have thought about daily since. He said (referring to The Voice) “Andy when you sing I feel like you’re still waiting for a chair to turn around”. My heart immediately sank. While my time on The Voice was ultimately disappointing, it’s honestly not something I think about regularly. But, what he said struck a chord with me and I realized how much I was seeking the approval of others through my music. Rather than be who I was made to be, and create art that was honest to who I am, I was spinning my wheels in the mud of other’s hypothetical opinions. This mindset was inarguably the chief driver of the anxiety that was getting in the way of me releasing music. I was so shaken by the mirror being held up to me in this way I barely wrote another song for the next 2 years.

The second moment came in the summer of 2020. The church I where I currently serve had been doing weekly online worship gatherings that were designed to be fluid and free flowing. It was in these times of worship that spontaneous songs of worship began to flow out of me in a way that I can’t really explain. It was almost like God would not allow me not to sing the things He was putting on my heart. A barrier had been removed from my heart and my mouth.

One of these spontaneous moments quickly became a song called “That’s Just What You Do”. I actually finished the bridge of this song as a voice memo in my car on the way to the filming one morning. I had a small desire to try and play it that day, and I showed it to one of our other Worship Leaders Lizzy. Lizzy, not knowing anything about what had led up to this point, encouraged me to sing it during the service. Even though we had plenty of time to rehearse, and an incredible team of musicians I was still looking for reasons not to play this song. Lizzy wouldn’t let me get away with not singing it and said “You tell us (the worship leaders at our church) to be bold, it’s time for you to be bold”. In that moment I realized how much I had left fear define my music for so long, and I felt the kindness of God begin to remove chains that I had let bind me for years.

From that moment songs have been flowing in a way that I can only attribute to the kindness of God.

In December 2020 with the support of my incredible wife Michelle and our families, I started the process of recording my own music for the first time in almost a decade. I sincerely hope that God touches your heart through this music as much as He has touched mine.

Andy